Who hasn’t dreamed of their ex? Does that necessarily mean we miss him/her? That we have to go back to this person ? That he/she will be back soon? When our ex comes to haunt us at night, we immediately ask ourselves a billion questions. For Tristan-Frédéric Moir, “everything will depend on the context of the dream. But you should know that the dreams are never to be taken literally. Very often when one dreams of one’s ex, it is not the person as such who is represented, it is rather a substitute figure”.
A personal journey
If we dream of our ex, does that necessarily mean that we miss him/her? The answer is no, not necessarily. We must first ask ourselves if our former partner in the dream is not simply a representation of ourselves.
Even if this explanation may seem surprising at first sight, Tristan-Frédéric Moir details: “the ex represents a part of ourselves with which we have connected and which tends to fail us”. Very often, the dream must be taken as a whole: the context, the way the breakup happened… The ex does not necessarily represent the lack of his person, but rather of ours.
“We have both masculine and feminine within us. These dreams are often a connection with that part of us from which we have detached ourselves too much and that we should take back”. The ex therefore represents the opposite party to ours which has remained on standby for too long and which we would need to put back into action: if we are a woman, the ex represents our masculine part and vice versa. Tristan-Frédéric Moir explains: “The same goes for the thunderbolt : it is the recognition or the attraction in the other of a part of us which is inactive. The dream will come to image, to put in emotion, what we feel in relation to this missing part, whether it is our ex or a stranger.
A compensation dream
You are in a relationship, you find that your current partner is too serious and your ex was funnier? Or are you single, in need of affection? Maybe that’s why you dreamed about your ex. For Tristan-Frédéric Moir, the dream is sometimes compensatory: “To dream of your ex is to compensate for what you have more or what you lack in this way. For example, what we liked about this man or this woman, forgetting the negative aspects”.
In this case, when we dream of our ex, it’s not so much because we miss him or her, but rather out of nostalgia for the couple we formed. For Freud, it is moreover this interpretation that advocates: dreams would be compensatory effects and fantasies produced by the libido, forming the very essence of our personality. In other words, dreaming of your ex comes from our deep interior and does not mean that we must necessarily return to him or that we miss him.
A rediscovered sexuality?
Desires and repressed impulses appear in dreams, according to the Freudian interpretation. It is therefore not very surprising that our dreams are sometimes erotic and especially those… with his former partner! Maybe this can translate a desire for sexual parenthesis? Or a heady return to the past? For Tristan Frédéric Moir “in these cases, the dream can be an outlet. The dreamscape is not subject to the same rules as real society”.
Too much work, weariness day-to-day, family obligations… in a couple, sexuality can fade. Dreaming of a sexual relationship will allow an enjoyment that we no longer have in real life. Again, the dream is compensatory.
You feel like you’re unfaithful, to your current partner or to yourself while dreaming of your ex? In dreams, infidelity is common. But beware of the feeling of guilt, it has no place. An erotic dream is only intended to connect us with our deep being and our desires expelled from our consciousness.
Trsitan Frédéric Moir adds: “very often, when there is infidelity in the dream, it is because we are not really ourselves with the other. We play a role, either by conditioning or by assuming the expectations of the other or by pressure from them”.
The awakening of emotions
The jealousy, anger, desire… in other words, the appearance of strong emotions overwhelms you when you dream of your ex? It’s normal. “Events that occur in our real life will sometimes awaken emotions in us, feelings that will be reflected or imprinted in the dream”, explains Tristan-Frédéric Moir.
During sleep, our brain is often inspired by our daily life. An example ? Sometimes our current partner may behave like our ex. The emotions will therefore wake up in the dream with the face of our former partner. But this is just a substitution.
Another scenario: dreaming of your ex accompanied by someone else and feeling deep jealousy. Don’t worry, you’re not necessarily in love with your ex yet. For Tristan Frédéric Moir, “jealousy in dreams awakens psychic weaknesses, doubts about oneself”. Again, your ex is simply a token, a representation of yourself, like in many other dreams. Maybe you need to ask yourself questions about your experience, your feelings or your fears, before asking yourself what your ex was doing in your sleep. Because the dream remains above all a meeting, an appointment with oneself.
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Dreaming about your ex: what does it mean?
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