I hired a “money manifestation coach” to get out of the mess

When I think of the concept of “manifestation”, my mind links it directly to crystals, witchcraft and horoscopes. Of course I’m not talking about demonstrations fists raised for purchasing power or marches for the climate. Manifestation in the spiritual sense is basically a personal process to put in place to realize your dreams and desires through positive thinking. For my part, I have always considered this practice to be part of the “spirituality new age”, distinct from our reality set in stone and dictated by capitalism.

More recently, however, protesting has become common practice among the shiny-haired babes who hold the reins of social media. This tendency, better known as “manifesting”, promises that if you put your intention to something you hope will happen, it will happen. On TikTok and Instagram, girlbosses around the world claim he is possible to attract money just in his life believing in it. The dream, right?

As wary as I may be about this amazing combination of seemingly opposite sectors (the spiritual and the financial), I have to admit that my bank account is a little frustrated at the moment. And it’s not my job as a waitress barely earning the minimum wage that will quickly make her smile. In other words: I am ready for anything. Yes, even to that.

my relationship with Amanda May started like this: “Hi my lovely Izzy, are you ready to attract abundance into your life? “. Amanda is a “prosperity coach” and promises her clients to solve their financial problems by having them follow a routine and rituals governed by the famous law of attraction.

Unlike many other money manifestation coaches, Amanda is well trained in finance. “As a certified advisor, I couldn’t evoke this state of mind that mixes money and spirituality. So I quit my job to become a coach,” she explained to me.

I have to admit that I really liked it. Maybe it’s because I can’t ignore compliments, but she managed to make me believe that I could do it… all this when I knew full well that it was totally illogical. Amanda tells me that believing in it is the very first step to success.

The goal that we have set for two is to use manifestation techniques for seven days in order to “attract abundance”. Amanda has planned to contact me regularly on Zoom and provide me with daily emotional support and spiritual guidance through voice memos on Insta.

Day 1: “Have a glass of wine, light some candles, and think of all the times you’ve felt bad about money”

That’s Amanda’s first piece of advice. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have any wine at home. And no money to spend on it. So I settle for a sad flat vodka/Sprite cocktail, served in a wine glass. I still can’t ruin my girlboss week aesthetic from day one by sipping my brew from a chipped Belieber mug.

“I’m warning you, you’re probably going to cry,” Amanda whispered to me on Zoom hours before. After about an hour of swallowing and grimacing, I still manage to blacken a full page of my notebook with my money troubles. I’m not crying, but I feel a knot forming slowly in my stomach. Remembering the many situations where I acted in a financially irresponsible way brings up a certain feeling of guilt.

I then send a dripping voice note of pecuniary shame to Amanda, who seems to be absolutely thrilled about it. “It’s a pretty juicy topic. You must be feeling dehydrated,” she replies. I am indeed dehydrated. According to Amanda, it’s due to the “great spiritual transfer of negative energy”, but I rather think that the vodka played its part.

That evening, no amount of money miraculously appeared in my checking account, but my coach assured me that “the fun will soon arrive”.

Day 2: “Repeat the manifestations of money while jumping”

Today is rent day—a very sad day for all the students in my roommate. After this astronomical transfer in exchange for an almost moldy room, my bank account took another big hit.

So unable to feel the slightest respect for a universe where the owners seem to deserve all the abundance in the world, my spiritual journey is rather poorly embarked. Who knows, maybe these heartless capitalists are just doing their protests right? Either way, I don’t have much to lose.

Amanda advised me to “move, jump and hug” while chanting manifestations to activate “the energy of happiness”. Since I don’t quite understand how wrapping my bony limbs around my large body could spark the slightest spark of joy in me, I prefer the “jump” option, a technique that is a little less humiliating. The manifestations to repeat are “Everyday I attract more money into my life” and “I am worthy of all the abundance in the world”.

Nothing happens. But apparently it’s all about consistency. So I decide to repeat the protests three times in the morning, six times during lunch, and nine times before bed—what Amanda calls the “three-six-nine method.”

Before setting my alarm clock for the next day, a WhatsApp message appears on my phone: “Heyyy, I just paid you the money that Olivia and I owed you for the taxi last week, sorry for the delay xxx”.

Weird.

Day 3: “Visualize what money can do for you”

Maybe it’s the post-rent desperation or the late refund for a taxi ride (which usually never happens), but for this third day, I’m ready to follow all instructions from Amanda.

“What will you do when all this money is in your bank account? she asks me in a voicemail.

I do have a few ideas. Aside from turning on the heat long enough to not have to put on tights under my sweatpants, I think about buying vacations, restaurants, and a decent new pair of sneakers. Mine, once white, are stained with self-tanner and look like biohazard.

I set a timer for 30 minutes on my phone and let my imagination run wild. I envision a golden future in which I finally buy my own Issey Miyake perfume rather than emptying the sample every time I walk past the store. When the timer goes off, my account still looks bad on my banking app.

Day 4: “Look at the money and express your gratitude to it. Also keep an “evidence log””

I am for gratitude. But as I open my wallet, count $3.24 in it, thank them for being there, and praise the universe for giving them to me, I wonder what Mark Fisher would say about capitalism. late if he saw me worshiping these coins as if they were deities. In a way, I know his analysis would be deeply depressing.

The “evidence log” — as Amanda calls it — is a more enjoyable activity. It’s basically keeping a gratitude journal. Note: I made a very good deal this morning by buying a second-hand camera – about 350 euros less than what it should have cost me. My photographer friend told me the salesman must be on LSD, but Amanda and I know that’s the Universe’s reward for all my desperate pleas.

Also to be included in the evidence book: getting my missing makeup brush back, managing to take the tram without a ticket TWICE a day and Yakults at half price at Lidl.

Day 5: “Create a Pinterest board about money”

On the fifth day, Amanda told me to create a Pinterest board on the notion of money. Since I haven’t used Pinterest since 2013, I first had to delete ten-year-old boards that I had personally titled “BoHo Chic Vibes”, “Harry Potter Vannes” and “Ideas de Cake d’ Halloween”.

Amanda assured me that this activity would emphasize my gratitude towards money, that it would allow me to focus and therefore attract abundance. Despite my initial reluctance, I ended up doing it. If you need a relaxing — albeit illusory — escape from reality, I highly recommend pinning vintage Ralph Lauren ads, overpriced clothes, and priceless vacation snaps as if you were the heiress to a chest full of diamonds.

Despite this relaxing activity, this day remains dark and the money to the absent subscribers.

Day 6: “Go on a treasure hunt”

“Visualize yourself finding coins, bills, etc., and pick up whatever you find,” Amanda tells me on this sixth day. “When you find money, celebrate it. Say “Thank you universe! and jump in the air. Google images related to money and fix your attention on those images. »

While Amanda’s instructions might seem a bit unbalanced, they’re pretty clear. So I start by rummaging through this cavern of dirty clothes and used make-up wipes that I call my bedroom. After concluding that a) I’m a disgusting slob and b) I should probably apologize for the verbal attack on my sister accusing her of stealing my favorite jeans, jeans that were actually under my bed, I collect 15.45 euros in total. Not bad. I jump in the air, embarrassed.

The Google search for pictures of money I start at the library elicits a few worried looks around me, but I don’t care. I know something those fools don’t, and it got me an OAT MILK latte this morning (paid for with a bag of loose change). Alexa, launch “Money” by Cardi B, please.

Day 7: “Rest, relaxation and comfort”

For this last day, Amanda sends me guided meditations on YouTube. In a week, this is probably the only activity that comes close to traditional mindfulness and spirituality. “I want you to reach a state of peace and zen through deep meditation,” she told me. Amanda insists that this step is essential to the process, that it allows me to breathe and really enjoy the gains of the week after spending seven days focusing on the money. As I listen to the airy chants and soft gongs fill my laptop speakers, I realize that I’ve finally drawn quite a few things this week:

– €20.54 reimbursed for a taxi journey.
– A new cheap camera.
– A misplaced makeup brush.
– Two free tram rides.
– Half price Yakults.
– €15.45 and a more or less tidy room.
– My favorite jeans and a burning sense of shame.

The haters will argue that all of this would have happened no matter what, but maybe I’m still able to decide my own power and money? Maybe I’m so broke because I don’t stick to daily treasure hunts? That said, let’s be realistic: no little fairy has paid my rent or sprinkled thousands of dollars on my bank account. Not to mention, this whole story really drew my attention to the fact that money influences absolutely every aspect of our poor lives, which is frankly depressing. For my mental health, I don’t think I’m going to demonstrate every day. However, the feeling of gratitude I got out of it was quite nice. And who knows how far I’ll go next month, when my pittance once again flies to my landlord, leaving me alone, desperate and broke?

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