Hi company, how are you doing at the end of the year synonymous with foie gras, alcohol and family celebrations? We’re not bad, especially since it’s time for the champions of the year: the ultimate compilation of weekly compilations of the dumbest news stories. We take this opportunity to wish a happy new year to @Well Named who helps us meet this challenge every week. Happy New Year to you, and here are the big winners of the year.
A woman who made 44,000 euros a week by selling her farts hospitalized for farting too much
Topito’s analysis: The race for glory in all its glory, she burned her wings too much to flirt with the angels. This woman sold her farts in jars and in view of the success it had she began to follow a special diet to be able to fart more until she was hospitalized. Believe in your dreams but stay safe anyway, we never say it enough.
When European ministers recharge their electric vehicles with generators that run… on diesel
Topito’s analysis: We arrive at the pinnacle of bullshit, the pinnacle of stupidity, the ultimate middle finger to humanity. We are constantly being given lessons on pollution and we see that. Want to laugh and cry at the same time, but then laugh again.
After 15 years he realizes that his Chinese tattoo does not mean “Love and Freedom” but “I like poo”
Topito’s analysis: The poor client actually realized after fifteen years that his tattoo of two Chinese ideograms did not mean “Love and Freedom” but “I like poo”, which does not have the same meaning at all. That’s a shame.
She entrusts her horse to a breeder, the animal ends up in the butcher’s department
Topito’s analysis: If we can no longer trust our horse breeders, where is the world going? I hope at least that the culprits will pay and that the meat was not good, history that it gives a good lesson to people who eat horse. Better not entrust his kids to this guy.
Tour de France: he celebrates his victory too early and comes second
Topito’s analysis: Always make sure you’ve finished something before you start bragging, it’s not a complicated concept. Too much pride and lo and behold, he was robbed of the victory because he was too busy talking about it. Even La Fontaine wouldn’t have written such a stupid thing.
Brittany: he sets fire to his excrement and causes an uncontrollable fire
Topito’s analysis: What a story, by wanting to burn his piece of toilet paper he literally set the whole beach on fire. These people with a passion for burning shit are the scum of humanity. And maybe one day they will be his saviors too. But I doubt it.
A runner comes last in the 400 meters because his penis keeps sticking out of his shorts during the race
Topito’s analysis: Like what we can never say enough: if you’re athletic you need good equipment, otherwise it’s a mess and you risk missing out on your moment of glory just because your dick comes out all the time.
In the UK, drug dealers slash prices in tribute to the Queen
Topito’s analysis: Everyone was really touched by the mourning of the queen in the country it’s crazy, that the dealers make a gesture like this it’s probably the most beautiful tribute she could hope for, she can now leave with her mind calm.
Vosges: dead drunk in front of the gendarmes, he claims to be an X-Men
Topito’s analysis: If in doubt, I’ll let it go personally, if there’s one thing that superhero movies have taught me, it’s that if a shady guy tells another to get out because he has powers like that often ends with explosions and super muscled guys in tank tops.
Niort: a woman firefighter suspended for having filled her swimming pool with a rescue truck in the midst of drought
Topito’s analysis: It must be said that it’s tempting: we have an empty swimming pool, a truck full of fleet, it’s super hot… Except that if there had been a fire, it would have been a pain for him to have to justify that the tanker truck was empty. because of a swimming pool…
Perpignan: judged for speeding, a marabout claims to be possessed by the spirit of Schumacher
Topito’s analysis: It was a good attempt, except that to be possessed by Schumacher’s spirit, Schumacher would have had to be dead. Incidentally, the marabout in question was returning from the Spanish border where he had bought lots of weed, so the excuse is all the less well found when you are just having a go-fast.
Firefighters respond to suspicion of intoxication, students were actually hungover
Topito’s analysis: When you see students without energy during business school classes, you don’t really have to look any further than a general hangover, I don’t even know how they could have thought of an intox.
Without a license and without papers, he offers the police to share the couscous he eats while driving
Topito’s analysis: The undocumented driver was driving above the authorized traffic limits while eating a couscous, which is already something particularly surprising, but in reality it was nice of him to offer the police a taste.
In a relationship with an inflatable doll, he takes her on vacation to meet her mother
Topito’s analysis: Love has no limits. Finally except the limits of the law, but in this precise case they were not crossed, contrary to the limits of the strange one well smashed with a rocket launcher. Hoping that this meeting goes well and that the mother-in-law does not show herself to be too closed-minded.
UK: A family meditates on the wrong grave for 17 years
Topito’s analysis: Ouch, bad pickaxe… Finally 17 years anyway it takes a long time to realize the bullshit, but it was the fault of the cemetery and not that of the family.
Police fired for playing Pokémon Go instead of stopping burglary
Topito’s analysis: We could very easily overwhelm them, throw stones at them, but I want to say that apparently they were trying to catch Snorlax and he’s super hard to find, so frankly it’s understandable.
Coronavirus: A woman locks her son in the trunk of the car so as not to be contaminated
Topito’s analysis: She must have obviously been affected by the virus of bullshit which also circulates a lot and which is less talked about (is it denouncing here or what??). The poor kid is fine, don’t worry, in the meantime we wish this woman a good isolation in police custody, to think about it.
No more chicken and fries, inmates refuse to return to their cells
Topito’s analysis: Far be it from me to take sides in this story, but quite frankly I think we can understand them. In general, we don’t mess around with chicken and chips where I come from (the commercial area of Grand Cora, just behind Gifi) so I have to agree with these inmates.
Bored museum keeper draws eyes with ballpoint pen on nearly million dollar board
Topito’s Analysis: Can’t blame the guy, maybe he didn’t have any sudoku puzzles left. I would surely have done the same, but on a notebook, not on a canvas worth a million euros…
Landes: she puts Michel Sardou on the loop to take revenge on her ex-husband, the justice condemns her for harassment
Topito’s analysis: We end with less funny and much more serious information. Very very serious even. You can blame your ex, but there are limits that should not be crossed and Michel Sardou is one of them. Fortunately, justice was there to crack down.
A great year in terms of champions, looking forward to continuing this adventure with the year 2023. Happy New Year to you.
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Top 20 champions of the year 2022, the most stupid news stories of the year
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