You have questions ? The Daronne has the answers! (Yes well, it’s not necessarily the best advice, but she does what she can, huh.) Welcome to this new episode of our mail from the heart like no other.
Daronne is the queen of not-so-dumb advice coated with a ladle of more or less subtle humour. Here she is back to rescue a reader!
The question for the Daronne
I’ve been with my boyfriend for several years even though we don’t live under the same roof.
For several nights, I have had a recurring dream, pleasant, but boring.
In this dream, I meet the love of my life who – this is where the shoe pinches – is not my boyfriend. A dream physique, but also the total absence of my guy’s flaws (distance, coldness in bed, etc.).
In his defense, in the dream, I too am in great shape, young, and money is not an issue. In my dream, the amorous intensity is that of the first days (which it is no longer).
I’m not telling you about my condition when I woke up. Luckily we don’t live under the same roof because I’m torn between an intense feeling of guilt and the desire to return to this dream.
Should I go see a shrink who will take me 200 euros to tell me that it’s normal to have regrets when you get older, but that you have to be satisfied with what you have? Have me lobotomized to stop thinking?
What do you think, dear Daronne?
PS: Talking to my boyfriend is impossible, darling is jealous and lacks self-confidence. Raising the subject would lead to the response: “so you want to leave me, that’s it! »
My little seaweed fondant,
Do dreams really mean what they seem to mean? I don’t know, or else it would mean that I really want to sleep with Nicolas Sarkozy and that, allow me to strongly doubt it. Even at a very, very unconscious level, I honestly think I’d rather die.
Dreams are just weird hallucinations
If you knew the number of times I dreamed that I was cheating on the daron, that I was leaving the daron, that I no longer loved the daron, whereas on a daily basis this idea never crosses my mind. Or so little.
Recently, I even dreamed that I was in a relationship with the singer Garou (an artist who moreover has the same effect on me as a slice of bread) and in my dream, this union made me mad with happiness.
When I woke up, I was a bit lost: why didn’t I feel like this every day, 24 hours a day, with my husband? Should I take a ticket for Quebec? And why in my dream Garou had brown eyes and the face of my 3 PE teachere ? So many questions…
Fortunately, I can laugh about it with the daron in person. It even became a joke between us: what unlikely person am I going to dream of this time? And he himself does not hesitate to tell me his erotic adventures with women and men who are not me. We know that “it doesn’t mean anything”. At least when things are going well. I will come back to this in my next paragraph.
Of course, I don’t want to say that dreams have no meaning, we know today that they are used to digest and sort out past events. But we also know that a dream does not necessarily have the meaning we think it has. I know, it’s meta.
For example, while dreaming of a great romance with a new guy, your brain may simply be reliving the apple you ate at noon, symbolized by said guy’s red pants. Oh yeah. Freud could explain all this to you better than me. Unfortunately Freud is dead. That’s a shame.
It’s sad to resign yourself in waking life
But… something bothers me in your letter. And it’s not your dream, but what follows. Your relationship there, it doesn’t really seem to be dancing carmagnole, does it?
You consider in your advice two solutions that would allow you to continue to be satisfied with what you have, very wisely. As if the only solution was to resign yourself to living your current life, as it is, no matter what. But what if there was a third solution?
A solution where you wouldn’t magically become young or rich (if I knew how to do this kind of stuff, don’t worry I wouldn’t be answering your dating puzzles complicated to make a living), but where could you still be fulfilled?
What change you need, I don’t know. Maybe you don’t know either and that, indeed, a psychologist, who won’t cost 200 euros, can help you. I don’t know where you live, but even if you spend a few weeks / months on the waiting list, you can probably find a mental health professional reimbursed, or partially reimbursed who will help you take stock.
It’s normal to dream of your lost youth, and to cringe and cringe when realizing that your existence is not the one you dreamed of, but the “it’s normal, it’s life is shit anyway” serves as an excuse for toxic situations to escalate.
Because you know what, just for the likely reaction of your boyfriend if you told him about it, I want to tell you:
My little shrew, there are things that need to change in your daily life
I don’t know if your guy is sincerely jealous and sensitive, and that in his little guy’s head he sincerely says to himself that suffering a lot exempts him for life from the slightest questioning, or if he’s just a little opportunistic manipulator of my two.
But listen to me carefully (Ok read me carefully): neither jealousy nor self-confidence justifies not letting the person you love express themselves. So confront him, for both of you. Of course he will answer you with ” Ouiiin yesiin anyway I’m a sucker who makes everything suck ” and other ” bouuuhouuu you don’t love me anymore bouuhbooouh. but don’t be fooled.
It’s a safe bet that if he sees that you’re not getting upset, he’ll finally agree to listen to you. And if not, maybe he was right after all, and you’ll end up leaving him. But if that happens, it won’t be because you thought you were Madame Bovary.
Even if the dream life of your dream doesn’t exist, you still have the right to happiness alone, or in a relationship with a partner who won’t weigh you down. And who will love you even if you’re not so young anymore and you carry around kilos of baggage with you. Like all of us.
Well, you see, ultimately, that’s also what WTF dreams can be used for: making us wonder about reality.
With that, I’ll leave you, I’m going to take a nap, I hope I’m not going to get bored with Kate Middleton again, I swear I’m getting fed up.
Photo credit image of one: dragana991
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Help! I dream that I am cheating on my boyfriend, what does that mean?
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